No worries.

I have been meaning to post for awhile. Round 6 came and went this week and it was pretty uneventful. Thank goodness.

First time in the big girl seat!

Dr. Shaw, Nora's earthly savior, held her for the last time on Tuesday. He is leaving us for good, moving to St. Petersburg to bring his genius to other families struggling with childhood cancer. I love that he called her "monkey." I love that he spoke to us like friends and constantly reassured us that we were good parents making very hard choices. I love that he told us that he hates leaving in the middle of her treatment, but that he isn't worried about her because she has great parents with wonderful support. I remain so thankful for him. It's very strange to put so much trust into a perfect stranger. I don't know where he lived, his favorite food, if he got along with his neighbors, if he believed in God... But yet, I trusted him completely with my daughter's life. I really didn't have much choice, but it is so strange to think that I didn't know that he existed 5 months ago, and today I wonder what my family would be without him.

When I was in high school, a song came out ("Everybody's Free" by Baz Luhrmann) that I loved. (It's worth a listen, IMO)I have added it to countless "mixed CDs", and it has been on every generation iPod I have ever owned. I have always thought the lyrics-simple and spoken, not sung- were just so ON. I pretty much like every word in the song, but more than anything:

Guilty. Worrier from back in the day here. I worry about everything. I worry about things that will never happen and I worry about things that have already happened. I wish I was different. I wish I didn't have constant fears of my house burning down, car accidents, plane crashes, and the like. I am working on it, but it is hard to change that part of myself. Maybe I find some kind of sadistic comfort in worrying? Like, if it is currently in my mind, I can somehow stop it from happening? I don't know why I am that way. But, I think it is safe to conclude that it doesn't matter what I think about while you are drifting off to sleep peacefully, it is not going to change His plan.

Learning to trust strangers and take the good with the bad is only a small piece of this new life. I am so grateful for the love of new and old friends. I continue to be moved by words of encouragement and hope from people of all walks of life. I am inspired by the humanity I have experienced personally. It gives me such hope for my girls and the future lives they will lead. Now if only I could stop worrying that they will be worriers...

Thanks, Laura Lee.